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flood light

Summer Evening, Edward Hopper, 1947

if i could
i would steal the sun 
and moon
swallow them whole
like two aspirin
and call off the morning

if i could
i would tell you 
everything i've done 
or failed to do
and let the night fall down
unpinned and unafraid

if i could
i would be a star
in your sixty watt galaxy
instead of a moth
casting shadows
in the pull of your gravity

Rene ~ August 2011

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  1. Recalling The Confiteor in there. I like the "call off the morning" line.


  2. the night falling "unpinned and unafraid" Nice twist.

  3. nice...the last stanza is really tight...great stuff rene

  4. That's really the place to start with any kind of salvation. Damn, I love you.

  5. each stanza is full on its own, and all together they are quite a trio.


  6. This is excellent all the way through!

  7. I liked the closing lines very much...Nice magpie :)

  8. Each verse unto its own is powered with such beauty... combined they catch one 'like a moth
    in the pull of your gravity'...

    Stunning piece.

  9. your sixty watt galaxy ?

    Don't knock us sixty year olds, though, eh?

  10. @Trellissimo... 60?!
    Why, you don't look a day over 40 watts!

  11. This is one fine write. Maybe my favorite so far. Do I say that every time?

  12. you're getting better and better; i love it. You and Brian are like the Wordsmith Duo :)

  13. Very effective imagery . particularly "unpinned and unafraid" -which, by foregoing a comma, could apply equally to the night or the "I" of the poem.

  14. I love the essense of each verse used..... And I laughed out loud at your @ Trellissimo.....

  15. I so love the ending--left tears in my eyes in its poignancy. Absolutely brilliant piece, Rene. I so hope you do a book of prose/poetry one day. I love your jottings.


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