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Castles In The Air

"photo by Mary 2009"

She catches herself
Building castles
In the air
Round her finger
Every twist
Of her hair
Brings a new moon
A tug on her womb
A false start
A tear in her heart

2AM Poetry ~ Rene

This little bit of prose was inspired by my cleaning out a closet full of baby clothes and items.
I started out pumped up, ready for the task, unloading…making space and donating the items to a local shelter who could really use them this time of year.

Little did I know that within minutes of starting the task I’d be sobbing into a onesie!

When I spotted the flyer asking for donations of baby clothes and lightly used items I saw this as a perfect opportunity to clean out the closet in the back room.
And I love me a good closet ass kicking.
I think my people were nomads as I tend to jump on any opportunity to rid myself of any and all excess baggage.
Gotta travel light :)

The main reason behind stockpiling all these teeny tiny treasures for nearly ten years had been for  “just in case”... 

Coffee in hand, I set out to tackle the back room and sort out the outfits according to season and size instead of just throwing them into a Hefty bag.
Because in my mind I am so much more organized than I really am, I do not procrastinate and I love biting off more than I can chew…

The first box , the larger sizes, were fairly simple to get through…but I found the smaller the clothing got the harder it became.
And then...
I picked up the little yellow sweater, that dreaded little yellow tiny and precious it was, like doll clothing. Mary used to look so damned cute in it…I couldn’t stand it! Just recalling her in it, as an infant, sent a gang of tears flooding...and soon enough, there I was, choke sobbing and ugly crying right into the nearest available onesie.

This was the first time I had faced…"we won’t be needing these anymore", a statement I had just said matter of factly to myself before getting to work. And sitting there in that bright morning sun, amidst boxes of baby clothes, the reality of that statement dawned on me…we won’t be needing these anymore…Unfortunately I do not think my heart is up to speed on this revelation, as far as it's concerned, I’m still 25...plenty of time!

and although I had no problem letting go of the treasures, I have to admit I was having a hard time letting go of “just in case”.

Is it at all possible to age backwards?

I did manage to get all of the clothes sorted, boxed and shipped away to their new little "memory making" destinations.
But I did hold onto one little yellow sweater...just because :)

Peace ~ Rene

Photo Note: Mary would not oblige and, once again, wear the yellow sweater :) I do have pictures of her as infant in it but I don't have a scanner. She did offer her Husky webkin in sneakers as a worthy substitute, but eschewed the very idea of it wearing the sweater because it would ruin the "fuzzy look"........artists :)


  1. Oh, I have done the same! My kids have even informed me that there was a 60-something woman in the Guinness Book of World Records who had a baby!! "You're not too old, Mom!' But there were a few things that I just couldn't let go of... for my grandchildren, perhaps?

  2. I know this feeling well! Letting go of just in case is not as easy as it seems it would be!

  3. Oh, Mizz're a good woman.

    I have box of clothing from the Evil Genius's infancy/early childhood...not for "just in case" but because I like to remember.

    Some day I may make a quilt with some of the little outfits...perhaps when he's grown..

    Shade and Sweetwater,

  4. Oh very sweet. That just in case can bite you in the ass, eh? Other half has bins and bins of toys in the cellar. His girls are 17 and almost 19... He gets teary near a Toys R Us.

    Glad you donated the stuff. Love that photo. She is a talent!

  5. Well, you should keep a few things if for no other reason than to give to Mary when she is grown. My mother saved several of my baby clothes and I had them framed in shadow boxes. But the having to let go of the hope of another. Hard.

  6. this one did not just pull at my heart yanked...letting go is so hard...

  7. Oh Rene, I can totalyl realte. I often dream I have another baby and am amazed at how soft and sweet hey are. It brings back so many memories that it's hard to think on but I can't imagine going back either. I have to confess, we kept some of the lil clothes jsut in case too. one's grandchild may one day wear it, who knows?

    Adn according to your photo on your profile, you are indeed aging backwards! :)

  8. You're going to keep a few things, right? I don't have kids but I've stashed a few tiny pieces of Godson's that I cherish.

    Love the thought behind it of giving to the needy :-)

    Wishing you a wonderful Christmas Rene. I read you all the time but don't always leave comments. Thanks for great, great writing all year long.


  9. This brought me to tears! It reminded me of the many times Hubby and I were trying to conceive and it just wouldn't happen. I started buying little things just in case. There were times when I thought it would NEVER happen so, I would put everything in a bag determined to donate it and move on with my life. Maybe God had other plans for me.

    5 years later, here I am, with a two-month old who outgrew all the little things I first bought her.

    I enjoy your blogs.

  10. you had me at
    "good closet ass..."

    excellent poem, Rene!
    every word has the perfect weight and
    the whole this is balanced on emotion, compassion.

    as always - beautiful writing, everywhere!
    peace~ Chuck

  11. Well, I was going to write something about being all teary eyed and emotional, but then I read the first line of Chuck's comment, and that all went out the window...

    Rene, great post, as always. And Chuck, I'm still laughing.

  12. In my hope(less) chest I have several articles of clothing I couldn't bear to get rid of. I feel your pain. They just grow up too fast!

  13. Rene, I only allowed myself to save one box of favorite outfits from when my boys were little , , , not because of "just in case" for me but "just in case" for my grandchildren.

    Funny thing, I was just told over Thanksgiving that I am going to be a Grama and my daughter-in-law asked me about a safari outfit he wore and if I saved it. So, "just in case" it's a boy, we'll see.

    Beautiful poetry at 2AM.
    Mary Jane

  14. Thanks everyone for your comments, this particular post was healing for me in so many ways...the power of the written word...never underestimate it!

    Chuck and Jeff, or is it Beavis and Butthead? :)
    Thanks guys..Why I oughta!

    Peace ~ Rene

  15. On traveling light: when my daughter was in junior high, she had a friend who would come to our house for the weekend with nothing more than a toothbrush in her pocket.

    I thought she was the coolest kid Anne ever knew....

  16. Rene, girl, I can so picture you on the floor, surrounded by boxes and onesies, reminiscing! My saved items have dwindled down to only two boxes every time I de-clutter the closet. But, yes, those tiny outfits take you instantly back...and that baby smell! Now i'm crying ugly!

    Tell Mary hey, cute photo :)

  17. Aww, Rene, what a delightful poem, and what delightful insight.

    I, too, am of nomadic origin; and I, too, have saved one purple/white/yellow sweater that the boy's great-grandmother knitted for his birth. :-)


  18. My mother saved all our baby clothes, mainly because she made most of them and she was an excellent seamstress.

    When my parents got divorced, I tossed them all. I was in charge, my mom was living in Paris at the time and I was young.

    I can't tell you how many times I've regretted that. And I don't even have kids!!

  19. I remember sobbing the night my son was weened...he's fourteen now...but I remember the grief like yesterday...Your poem captures the wistful feelings so beautifully...this is another wonderful post! ~Janine XO

  20. Oh, Rene.

    Said in exact tone/sentiment as Sally seeing Marie in her Wedding dress for the first time in When Harry Met Sally (and something tells me you will know the exact moment I speak of)

    It's perfect. Just perfect.

  21. My youngest daughter just told me I needed to write about how each of my children came into this world.... I can tell you this... the fastest way to get needing something is when you get rid of it.
    All the last little surprises items... seat...stroller...all still in the attic.

  22. Oh, Rene, this is one of my (many) favorites of yours. Being a mom, I had a feeling what was coming as soon as I started reading.

    I'm so glad you kept the yellow sweater. And I see that Mary has inherited her mom's photography skills.

    The entire post, everything about it: perfect.

  23. Hi rene ! I love your eyes ! It's true ! I am your new Prince Charmant !...;-)))

    Bises bella !

  24. Just in case is a demanding guest....

  25. Just stopping by to wish you all the joy in the world over the holidays!!! ~Janine XO


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