The Fifty Cent Tour

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

flood light

Summer Evening, Edward Hopper, 1947

if i could
i would steal the sun 
and moon
swallow them whole
like two aspirin
and call off the morning

if i could
i would tell you 
everything i've done 
or failed to do
and let the night fall down
unpinned and unafraid

if i could
i would be a star
in your sixty watt galaxy
instead of a moth
casting shadows
in the pull of your gravity

Rene ~ August 2011

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20 comments:

  1. Recalling The Confiteor in there. I like the "call off the morning" line.

    Kat

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  2. the night falling "unpinned and unafraid" Nice twist.

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  3. nice...the last stanza is really tight...great stuff rene

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  4. That's really the place to start with any kind of salvation. Damn, I love you.

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  5. each stanza is full on its own, and all together they are quite a trio.

    brava!

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  6. This is excellent all the way through!

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  7. I liked the closing lines very much...Nice magpie :)

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  8. Each verse unto its own is powered with such beauty... combined they catch one 'like a moth
    in the pull of your gravity'...

    Stunning piece.

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  9. your sixty watt galaxy ?

    Don't knock us sixty year olds, though, eh?

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  10. @Trellissimo... 60?!
    Why, you don't look a day over 40 watts!

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  11. This is one fine write. Maybe my favorite so far. Do I say that every time?

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  12. you're getting better and better; i love it. You and Brian are like the Wordsmith Duo :)

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  13. Very effective imagery . particularly "unpinned and unafraid" -which, by foregoing a comma, could apply equally to the night or the "I" of the poem.

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  14. I love the essense of each verse used..... And I laughed out loud at your @ Trellissimo.....

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  15. ... you have the magic touch.

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  16. I so love the ending--left tears in my eyes in its poignancy. Absolutely brilliant piece, Rene. I so hope you do a book of prose/poetry one day. I love your jottings.

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