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Summer Evening, Edward Hopper, 1947 |
if i could
i would steal the sun
and moon
swallow them whole
like two aspirin
and call off the morning
if i could
i would tell you
everything i've done
or failed to do
and let the night fall down
unpinned and unafraid
if i could
i would be a star
in your sixty watt galaxy
instead of a moth
casting shadows
in the pull of your gravity
Rene ~ August 2011
for Magpie Tales.
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the night falling "unpinned and unafraid" Nice twist.
ReplyDeletenice...the last stanza is really tight...great stuff rene
ReplyDeleteThat's really the place to start with any kind of salvation. Damn, I love you.
ReplyDeletei can feel this, rene.
ReplyDeleteeach stanza is full on its own, and all together they are quite a trio.
ReplyDeletebrava!
This is excellent all the way through!
ReplyDeletethought provoking indeed.
ReplyDeletewell done.
I liked the closing lines very much...Nice magpie :)
ReplyDeleteEach verse unto its own is powered with such beauty... combined they catch one 'like a moth
ReplyDeletein the pull of your gravity'...
Stunning piece.
your sixty watt galaxy ?
ReplyDeleteDon't knock us sixty year olds, though, eh?
@Trellissimo... 60?!
ReplyDeleteWhy, you don't look a day over 40 watts!
This is one fine write. Maybe my favorite so far. Do I say that every time?
ReplyDeleteyou're getting better and better; i love it. You and Brian are like the Wordsmith Duo :)
ReplyDeleteVery effective imagery . particularly "unpinned and unafraid" -which, by foregoing a comma, could apply equally to the night or the "I" of the poem.
ReplyDeleteI love the essense of each verse used..... And I laughed out loud at your @ Trellissimo.....
ReplyDelete... you have the magic touch.
ReplyDeleteLove this - perfect write.
ReplyDeleteBrilliant! Brava!
ReplyDeleteI so love the ending--left tears in my eyes in its poignancy. Absolutely brilliant piece, Rene. I so hope you do a book of prose/poetry one day. I love your jottings.
ReplyDelete