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Showing posts from November, 2009

The Fallen

"blanket of stars" ~ Rene 2009
“You'll find trouble in paradise if you seek paradise in trouble“…
he proclaims the news  in his best outside,
 bible belted voice
from his lawnchair pulpit  in front of the Polaris Shop n Fill
he's been there for years
a humming fluorescent martyr
saving scratch off souls
seated
 at the right hand of a sputtering neon star
 his words gave her pause hung up inside  white smoke and illuminated
 by silver winks and blue flickers
the star twinkles off the bell on the door jingles
she pays for her fill-up  buys him a cup of coffee and a pack of cigs
for all that she has done
and failed
 to do

this will make it right
this will make it right
this will make it right

he smiles at her offerings
they are acceptable gifts she is good
she is good
she is good
the bell on the door jingles

the star hisses
 back to life
looking down she smiles
a smile of mock contrition
she bums a cigarette
the bell on the door jingles
she lights up
she gets in her car
she pulls ou…

Happily Ever Amber

Golden
Late afternoon light
bathes her
As she sleeps
Her fingers
curled
 Shrimp-like
Under her cheek
She smiles
Dreaming
Of puppies
Or seashells
A joyful mystery
To me
I gaze for a minute
Or ten
I still see
A baby’s face
Be still
My baby
Be my baby still
This moment
Frozen
 In Amber

Peace ~ Rene 2009

Purgatory

Rene 2009
she sits
 on the curb across the street from his house tracing slow deliberate circles around a scab
 on her knee fighting the strongest urge
 to pick at it every once in a while she looks up
head tilted
squinting one eye
underneath
hopeful dirty blonde bangs
searching for release
from a door crack she sits
 on the curb across the street from his house tracing with her fingertip
in the sand that runs along the gutter making smilies and peace signs around a single word spelled out in bits of gravel one
single
 word she sits
on the curb across the street from his house
rubbing a freckled nose wishing, hoping
waiting
 for the curtains
to part for a door latch to be heard and for
"sorry" to be seen
Peace ~ Rene 2009

November Lace

"November Lace"
Rene 2009

Last Firsts

photo by Mary 2007
"Well, there's a first for everything"  my mother declared as she sealed up a greeting card envelope.

What do you mean, Ma?, I say kinda casually, waiting for her to say something funny.

"It's the first time I signed a card with just Grandma, instead of Grandma and Grandpa".

She catches me off guard and I stop for a second, to process what she had just said. Because of the "you're not going to believe this" tone of her voice, I thought she was going to say something witty or tell me story.

I didn't fully realize the heaviness in her heart when she said what she had said.

This was just another thing to check off on her list of firsts. The list that replaced her last list..of lasts.

Since my father's passing in August 2008, we have been through many lasts and many firsts. We were together as a family, through most of them. Planning the wake, the funeral, the Mass. Picking out a plot. Keeping my father's wish of not being buried…