Skip to main content

before i lived in the sky

Rene ~ January 17, 2011
before i lived in the sky
all my yearnings i did cease
it shaped my wings for goodbye


needed not much to get by
i built a house in the trees
before i lived in the sky


viewed life with a seeing eye
and was humbled to my knees
it shaped my wings for goodbye


changed a breath into a sigh
threw my haltings to the breeze
before i lived in the sky


at dawn's last break i did cry
tears of freedom and release
it shaped my wings for goodbye


wings were meant for us to fly
and with this i must make peace
before i lived in the sky
it shaped my wings for goodbye


Rene ~ January 2011


Submission for One Stop Poetry ~ Where Poets, Writers and Artists Meet... Click for more

Comments

  1. Slippin you some wing wax and Feather Brite.

    Btw, you look way cute in your new avatar. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. it shaped my wings for goodbye...tight line...fraught with subtle emotion...nicely done..

    ReplyDelete
  3. Pretty. Life is fleeting, isn't it.

    ReplyDelete
  4. You had me hooked with that first stanza, and then you rolled the lines on through the poem, flying right along. A beautiful(seriously) villanelle, natural and wild despite the restrictive form.

    ReplyDelete
  5. This made me smile! The subject matter - a fledgling on the verge of leaving the nest - is so well served by the naivete, short line lengths, and rhythmic musicality. Well done.

    ReplyDelete
  6. sestina? or what?
    so gripping and gorgeous.
    exactly what i expect here.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hi Rene, long time!

    I don't ever read poetry, but I read yours. I find you meaningful.

    Which should scare you.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Thanks everyone! You are all very kind.
    This form of poetry is called a villanelle, my first ever :) click on the One Stop Poetry link to learn more.
    Marian, you should submit to One Stop and Magpie :) you'll find them right there on my sidebar under "Scratch That Writing Itch"
    Powdergirl! it's been ages! Welcome back and I'm very afraid...but I like that :)
    Thanks again everyone for coming back and reading. You always surprise me when you do that.
    I really appreciate it.

    ReplyDelete
  9. great job on the villanelle rene. the only small thing i see is that you have exchanged A1 and A2 in the last stanza - it would be
    "before i lived in the sky/
    that shaped my wings for goodbye" - and you've probably done this on purpose because it makes more sense. all the other things are greatly done - good rhymes - good rhythm. well done!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Claudia, thank you! This was my first villanelle and I didn't realize that I had reversed the structure..I've revised it and I'm satified with the new last stanza.

    Again, thank you :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. I loved this Rene, you excelled at finding the two refrains that make sense both together and apart. Great job :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. An amazing poem again. Rene. I so hope you publish one day. I just love it.

    ReplyDelete
  13. To be Shaped for goodbye...This idea hold so much for me. When you evaluate all the struggles we go through it make you wonder.

    ReplyDelete
  14. it sure does, Nunee. Thank you for reading :)

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Please drop a penny in a poet's hat :

Popular posts from this blog

natasha

There was a haunting beauty behind her eyes, beyond her sorrow, a beauty that found its way into one’s heart and led them home.