The Fifty Cent Tour

Monday, January 17, 2011

before i lived in the sky

Rene ~ January 17, 2011
before i lived in the sky
all my yearnings i did cease
it shaped my wings for goodbye


needed not much to get by
i built a house in the trees
before i lived in the sky


viewed life with a seeing eye
and was humbled to my knees
it shaped my wings for goodbye


changed a breath into a sigh
threw my haltings to the breeze
before i lived in the sky


at dawn's last break i did cry
tears of freedom and release
it shaped my wings for goodbye


wings were meant for us to fly
and with this i must make peace
before i lived in the sky
it shaped my wings for goodbye


Rene ~ January 2011


Submission for One Stop Poetry ~ Where Poets, Writers and Artists Meet... Click for more

18 comments:

  1. Slippin you some wing wax and Feather Brite.

    Btw, you look way cute in your new avatar. :-)

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  2. it shaped my wings for goodbye...tight line...fraught with subtle emotion...nicely done..

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  3. Pretty. Life is fleeting, isn't it.

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  4. You had me hooked with that first stanza, and then you rolled the lines on through the poem, flying right along. A beautiful(seriously) villanelle, natural and wild despite the restrictive form.

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  5. This made me smile! The subject matter - a fledgling on the verge of leaving the nest - is so well served by the naivete, short line lengths, and rhythmic musicality. Well done.

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  6. sestina? or what?
    so gripping and gorgeous.
    exactly what i expect here.

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  7. Hi Rene, long time!

    I don't ever read poetry, but I read yours. I find you meaningful.

    Which should scare you.

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  8. Thanks everyone! You are all very kind.
    This form of poetry is called a villanelle, my first ever :) click on the One Stop Poetry link to learn more.
    Marian, you should submit to One Stop and Magpie :) you'll find them right there on my sidebar under "Scratch That Writing Itch"
    Powdergirl! it's been ages! Welcome back and I'm very afraid...but I like that :)
    Thanks again everyone for coming back and reading. You always surprise me when you do that.
    I really appreciate it.

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  9. great job on the villanelle rene. the only small thing i see is that you have exchanged A1 and A2 in the last stanza - it would be
    "before i lived in the sky/
    that shaped my wings for goodbye" - and you've probably done this on purpose because it makes more sense. all the other things are greatly done - good rhymes - good rhythm. well done!

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  10. Claudia, thank you! This was my first villanelle and I didn't realize that I had reversed the structure..I've revised it and I'm satified with the new last stanza.

    Again, thank you :)

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  11. I loved this Rene, you excelled at finding the two refrains that make sense both together and apart. Great job :)

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  12. An amazing poem again. Rene. I so hope you publish one day. I just love it.

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  13. To be Shaped for goodbye...This idea hold so much for me. When you evaluate all the struggles we go through it make you wonder.

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  14. it sure does, Nunee. Thank you for reading :)

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