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before i lived in the sky

Rene ~ January 17, 2011
before i lived in the sky
all my yearnings i did cease
it shaped my wings for goodbye


needed not much to get by
i built a house in the trees
before i lived in the sky


viewed life with a seeing eye
and was humbled to my knees
it shaped my wings for goodbye


changed a breath into a sigh
threw my haltings to the breeze
before i lived in the sky


at dawn's last break i did cry
tears of freedom and release
it shaped my wings for goodbye


wings were meant for us to fly
and with this i must make peace
before i lived in the sky
it shaped my wings for goodbye


Rene ~ January 2011


Submission for One Stop Poetry ~ Where Poets, Writers and Artists Meet... Click for more

Comments

  1. FireblossomJanuary 17, 2011 at 8:52 PM

    Slippin you some wing wax and Feather Brite.

    Btw, you look way cute in your new avatar. :-)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Brian MillerJanuary 17, 2011 at 9:00 PM

    it shaped my wings for goodbye...tight line...fraught with subtle emotion...nicely done..

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ann ImigJanuary 17, 2011 at 9:49 PM

    Pretty. Life is fleeting, isn't it.

    ReplyDelete
  4. hedgewitchJanuary 17, 2011 at 10:21 PM

    You had me hooked with that first stanza, and then you rolled the lines on through the poem, flying right along. A beautiful(seriously) villanelle, natural and wild despite the restrictive form.

    ReplyDelete
  5. SemaphoreJanuary 17, 2011 at 10:56 PM

    This made me smile! The subject matter - a fledgling on the verge of leaving the nest - is so well served by the naivete, short line lengths, and rhythmic musicality. Well done.

    ReplyDelete
  6. MarianJanuary 18, 2011 at 12:46 AM

    sestina? or what?
    so gripping and gorgeous.
    exactly what i expect here.

    ReplyDelete
  7. anonJanuary 18, 2011 at 3:14 AM

    Hi Rene, long time!

    I don't ever read poetry, but I read yours. I find you meaningful.

    Which should scare you.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Irish GumboJanuary 18, 2011 at 7:06 AM

    le sigh.

    Good morning, Rene.

    ReplyDelete
  9. UnknownJanuary 18, 2011 at 9:49 AM

    Thanks everyone! You are all very kind.
    This form of poetry is called a villanelle, my first ever :) click on the One Stop Poetry link to learn more.
    Marian, you should submit to One Stop and Magpie :) you'll find them right there on my sidebar under "Scratch That Writing Itch"
    Powdergirl! it's been ages! Welcome back and I'm very afraid...but I like that :)
    Thanks again everyone for coming back and reading. You always surprise me when you do that.
    I really appreciate it.

    ReplyDelete
  10. ClaudiaJanuary 18, 2011 at 1:48 PM

    great job on the villanelle rene. the only small thing i see is that you have exchanged A1 and A2 in the last stanza - it would be
    "before i lived in the sky/
    that shaped my wings for goodbye" - and you've probably done this on purpose because it makes more sense. all the other things are greatly done - good rhymes - good rhythm. well done!

    ReplyDelete
  11. UnknownJanuary 18, 2011 at 4:13 PM

    Claudia, thank you! This was my first villanelle and I didn't realize that I had reversed the structure..I've revised it and I'm satified with the new last stanza.

    Again, thank you :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Fragrant LiarJanuary 18, 2011 at 7:12 PM

    Lovely, as always, Rene.

    ReplyDelete
  13. AnonymousJanuary 20, 2011 at 3:42 AM

    I loved this Rene, you excelled at finding the two refrains that make sense both together and apart. Great job :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. ellen abbottJanuary 20, 2011 at 10:48 AM

    this was lovely.

    ReplyDelete
  15. MichaelJanuary 23, 2011 at 4:40 PM

    An amazing poem again. Rene. I so hope you publish one day. I just love it.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Lavonne January 24, 2011 at 1:05 AM

    To be Shaped for goodbye...This idea hold so much for me. When you evaluate all the struggles we go through it make you wonder.

    ReplyDelete
  17. UnknownJanuary 24, 2011 at 6:57 AM

    it sure does, Nunee. Thank you for reading :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. LisaJanuary 25, 2011 at 12:00 PM

    this is really beautiful :)

    ReplyDelete

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