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derelict love

derelict love
rise above the
lust of broken
wings to mend you
pretend all's well
split seam hell spills
no tell secrets
across jet-stream
vignette postcards
from your heart to
the hard of flight
to hold tight reign
*on a love insane

Rene ~ November 8, 2012

For d'Verse Poets
FormForAll-Than Bauk

The Than Bauk is a climbing rhyme
of Burmese origin
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Comments

  1. Brian MillerNovember 8, 2012 at 9:21 PM

    rise above the
    lust of broken
    wings to mend you...love that bit...you really got the dance of the words going in this one rene...i also like the postcards from the heart....nicely done...smiles.

    ReplyDelete
  2. BeachannyNovember 8, 2012 at 10:02 PM

    I liked the postcard from the heart. This poem had a WWII feel, and maybe a little steampunk thing going on. Really nice feel for the chain version of the Than Bauk. Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  3. ClaudiaNovember 8, 2012 at 10:13 PM

    love the vignette postcards from heart to the hard of flight...well played on the form as well

    ReplyDelete
  4. UnknownNovember 8, 2012 at 11:02 PM

    Wicked flow, I especially enjoyed the lines highlighted by Brian and Claudia.

    ReplyDelete
  5. UnknownNovember 9, 2012 at 3:10 AM

    nicely done. Really great pacing here and some very neat lines in here too, split seam hell spills to name one. Thanks

    ReplyDelete
  6. Dave KingNovember 9, 2012 at 6:56 AM

    The first three rhymes won me over. Completely!

    ReplyDelete
  7. JeffNovember 9, 2012 at 8:36 AM

    Yes, this is really good. Like some previous commentators, I have to add my praise for the vignette postcards.

    ReplyDelete
  8. AnonymousNovember 9, 2012 at 10:29 AM

    lining up to mention the postcards... just wonderful. great images!

    ReplyDelete
  9. RMPNovember 9, 2012 at 4:33 PM

    this flows so naturally and beautifully. of course now I'm going to have the song "take these broken wings and learn to fly again and learn to live so free" stuck in my head, but it was worth it.

    ReplyDelete
  10. UnknownNovember 9, 2012 at 4:55 PM

    The one thing I feared....gah

    ReplyDelete
  11. Sabio LantzNovember 9, 2012 at 7:10 PM

    Hard to tell what it is saying, but I will guess -- here is my image:
    A love affair across an ocean that is having a hard time. Trying to make it work.
    Nicely done. Am I close?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. UnknownNovember 9, 2012 at 7:22 PM

      not too far from the truth. Good on ya :)

      Delete
    2. Sabio LantzNovember 9, 2012 at 7:25 PM

      Yeah ! (good for you -- you communicated it!)

      Delete

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