The Fifty Cent Tour

Thursday, November 8, 2012

derelict love

derelict love
rise above the
lust of broken
wings to mend you
pretend all's well
split seam hell spills
no tell secrets
across jet-stream
vignette postcards
from your heart to
the hard of flight
to hold tight reign
*on a love insane

Rene ~ November 8, 2012

For d'Verse Poets
FormForAll-Than Bauk

The Than Bauk is a climbing rhyme
of Burmese origin

13 comments:

  1. rise above the
    lust of broken
    wings to mend you...love that bit...you really got the dance of the words going in this one rene...i also like the postcards from the heart....nicely done...smiles.

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  2. I liked the postcard from the heart. This poem had a WWII feel, and maybe a little steampunk thing going on. Really nice feel for the chain version of the Than Bauk. Thank you!

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  3. love the vignette postcards from heart to the hard of flight...well played on the form as well

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  4. Wicked flow, I especially enjoyed the lines highlighted by Brian and Claudia.

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  5. nicely done. Really great pacing here and some very neat lines in here too, split seam hell spills to name one. Thanks

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  6. The first three rhymes won me over. Completely!

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  7. Yes, this is really good. Like some previous commentators, I have to add my praise for the vignette postcards.

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  8. lining up to mention the postcards... just wonderful. great images!

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  9. this flows so naturally and beautifully. of course now I'm going to have the song "take these broken wings and learn to fly again and learn to live so free" stuck in my head, but it was worth it.

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  10. Hard to tell what it is saying, but I will guess -- here is my image:
    A love affair across an ocean that is having a hard time. Trying to make it work.
    Nicely done. Am I close?

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    Replies
    1. not too far from the truth. Good on ya :)

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    2. Yeah ! (good for you -- you communicated it!)

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