she was light and magic, springtime laughter woven through her hair
i found her world cluttered and noisy, a place where logic frowns
ambushed, my heart leapt when i heard a bird call, her breath of life
she was a singer of hymns, a joyful, patient sentinel
i was a snare drum, ready to snap at the skip of a beat
i now find myself leeching to the choir, waiting on her voice
she was an anchor, an ocean,and my spirited ticket to ride
i gnawed away at the tether, unaware of the life line
i hold, waiting like a child, the loose end of her crimson thread
Rene ~ October 10, 2012
Trying my hand at form of poetry known as Korean Sijo
a departure for me because I'm a flighty free verse girl.
I learned of this form from my friend and fellow poet Marian at Runaway Sentence
Girl can write. I hope I've done the form justice.
Lastly, this is a submission for 100 Word Song, hosted by my friend and fellow writer, Lance from My Blog Can Beat Up Your Blog. I went over the 100 word limit by 10.
Sorry, had to be done. Mea culpa.
I'd like to take this opportunity to share a few words from Lance:
"Several months ago, I wrote a fictional short story, called Italian Radio inspired by the release of aquitted American murder suspect, Amanda Knox. Since then, the 4,500 word story has been rewritten, edited, re-edited, and is now competing against amazing writers in a context called America’s Next Author.
Public support such as tweets, facebook shares, and of course, website votes mean a lot.
I try to entertain ya’ll here at My Blog Can Beat Up Your Blog.
So now, if you can, entertain me, too.
Go here: http://www.ebookmall.com/americasnextauthor
and / or here:http://www.ebookmall.com/author/lance-burson
Read Italian radio, and if you like it, cast a vote for me, please.
Tell a friend or fifty.
Thank you for continuing to click here when there are so many cooler places on the internets to hang.
Remember, I live with four women, so sharing the prize is properly out of my hands.
People are reading and reviewing and voting as I type.
They count tweets, facebook shares and written reviews on the page.
If you promote this on the twitter use the hastag #ana2012 .
There are enough pills to get me through this…..Please and thank you, my fellow blog pugilists."
i found her world cluttered and noisy, a place where logic frowns
ambushed, my heart leapt when i heard a bird call, her breath of life
she was a singer of hymns, a joyful, patient sentinel
i was a snare drum, ready to snap at the skip of a beat
i now find myself leeching to the choir, waiting on her voice
she was an anchor, an ocean,and my spirited ticket to ride
i gnawed away at the tether, unaware of the life line
i hold, waiting like a child, the loose end of her crimson thread
Rene ~ October 10, 2012
Trying my hand at form of poetry known as Korean Sijo
a departure for me because I'm a flighty free verse girl.
I learned of this form from my friend and fellow poet Marian at Runaway Sentence
Girl can write. I hope I've done the form justice.
Lastly, this is a submission for 100 Word Song, hosted by my friend and fellow writer, Lance from My Blog Can Beat Up Your Blog. I went over the 100 word limit by 10.
Sorry, had to be done. Mea culpa.
I'd like to take this opportunity to share a few words from Lance:
"Several months ago, I wrote a fictional short story, called Italian Radio inspired by the release of aquitted American murder suspect, Amanda Knox. Since then, the 4,500 word story has been rewritten, edited, re-edited, and is now competing against amazing writers in a context called America’s Next Author.
Public support such as tweets, facebook shares, and of course, website votes mean a lot.
I try to entertain ya’ll here at My Blog Can Beat Up Your Blog.
So now, if you can, entertain me, too.
Go here: http://www.ebookmall.com/americasnextauthor
and / or here:http://www.ebookmall.com/author/lance-burson
Read Italian radio, and if you like it, cast a vote for me, please.
Tell a friend or fifty.
Thank you for continuing to click here when there are so many cooler places on the internets to hang.
Remember, I live with four women, so sharing the prize is properly out of my hands.
People are reading and reviewing and voting as I type.
They count tweets, facebook shares and written reviews on the page.
If you promote this on the twitter use the hastag #ana2012 .
There are enough pills to get me through this…..Please and thank you, my fellow blog pugilists."
Thank you for the support. I'm fond of this form. Even for a free verse girl, I like how you intepreted "faded" from a memory and style POV.
ReplyDeleteI'm honored by your post.
Thanks, Lance.
DeleteA very different ( and difficult! ) style for me.
I hope it measures up.
how i gnawed at the tether, unaware of the life line
ReplyDeletei hold, waiting like a child, to the end of her crimson thread////pretty cool line that...and i like the character sketch within....this line in particular plays well the duality...the tether, but also our desires to break free of it in our gnawing....dang that sounded somewhat intelligent...ha...ok, i like it...smiles.
Beautiful and lyrical. This was a lovely poem.
ReplyDeleteVery beautiful, Rene. Especially the final stanza.
ReplyDeleteI had great appreciation for this. I found and looked at this wonderful Korean form ... sadly I lacked the necessary time.
ReplyDeleteAmazing writing Rene. You always had something special and its just grown and developed over the years. Beautiful work in fact.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy the sijo form. I tried it myself this past week ----
ReplyDeletehttp://inthecornerofmyeye.blogspot.com/2012/10/pine-cone.html
You have so many beautiful phrasings in this poem. I like especially "she was light and magic, springtime laughter woven through her hair" and also "i was a snare drum, ready to snap at the skip of a beat." I know what you mean about being a free verse kind of person, but sometimes it is fun to try one's hand at a form, I think. You did well.
A beautiful form for beautiful thoughts.
ReplyDeleteshe was light and magic, springtime laughter woven through her hair
ReplyDeleteI can't stop reading that line.
The form is both challenging and incredibly effective when managed artistically. You did just that. An excellent read, Rene!
ReplyDeleteGreat job--really enjoyed this effective use of the form!
ReplyDeleteI agree with the Jack above--that first line is killer-good.
ReplyDeleteI also enjoyed the tweak on a familiar phrase here:
"...leeching to the choir..."
I had to read this one out loud, so my mouth could enjoy it as well. "Girl can write."
ReplyDelete