The Fifty Cent Tour

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Glory, fading

she was light and magic, springtime laughter woven through her hair
i found her world cluttered and noisy, a place where logic frowns
ambushed, my heart leapt when i heard a bird call, her breath of life

she was a singer of hymns, a joyful, patient sentinel
i was a snare drum, ready to snap at the skip of a beat
i now find myself leeching to the choir, waiting on her voice

she was an anchor, an ocean,and my spirited ticket to ride
i gnawed away at the tether, unaware of the life line
i hold, waiting like a child, the loose end of her crimson thread

Rene ~ October 10, 2012

Trying my hand at form of poetry known as Korean Sijo
a departure for me because I'm a flighty free verse girl.

I learned of this form from my friend and fellow poet Marian at Runaway Sentence
Girl can write. I hope I've done the form justice.

Lastly, this is a submission for 100 Word Song, hosted by my friend and fellow writer, Lance from My Blog Can Beat Up Your Blog. I went over the 100 word limit by 10.
Sorry, had to be done. Mea culpa.

I'd like to take this opportunity to share a few words from Lance:

"Several months ago, I wrote a fictional short story, called Italian Radio inspired by the release of aquitted American murder suspect, Amanda Knox. Since then, the 4,500 word story has been rewritten, edited, re-edited, and is now competing against amazing writers in a context called America’s Next Author. 
Public support such as tweets, facebook shares, and of course, website votes mean a lot.
I try to entertain ya’ll here at My Blog Can Beat Up Your Blog. 
So now, if you can, entertain me, too. 
Go here: http://www.ebookmall.com/americasnextauthor  
and / or here:http://www.ebookmall.com/author/lance-burson  
Read Italian radio, and if you like it, cast a vote for me, please.
Tell a friend or fifty.
Thank you for continuing to click here when there are so many cooler places on the internets to hang. 
Remember, I live with four women, so sharing the prize is properly out of my hands.
People are reading and reviewing and voting as I type.
They count tweets, facebook shares and written reviews on the page. 
If you promote this on the twitter use the hastag #ana2012 . 
There are enough pills to get me through this…..Please and thank you, my fellow blog pugilists."

14 comments:

  1. Thank you for the support. I'm fond of this form. Even for a free verse girl, I like how you intepreted "faded" from a memory and style POV.

    I'm honored by your post.

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    1. Thanks, Lance.
      A very different ( and difficult! ) style for me.
      I hope it measures up.

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  2. how i gnawed at the tether, unaware of the life line
    i hold, waiting like a child, to the end of her crimson thread////pretty cool line that...and i like the character sketch within....this line in particular plays well the duality...the tether, but also our desires to break free of it in our gnawing....dang that sounded somewhat intelligent...ha...ok, i like it...smiles.

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  3. Beautiful and lyrical. This was a lovely poem.

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  4. Very beautiful, Rene. Especially the final stanza.

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  5. I had great appreciation for this. I found and looked at this wonderful Korean form ... sadly I lacked the necessary time.

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  6. Amazing writing Rene. You always had something special and its just grown and developed over the years. Beautiful work in fact.

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  7. I really enjoy the sijo form. I tried it myself this past week ----
    http://inthecornerofmyeye.blogspot.com/2012/10/pine-cone.html

    You have so many beautiful phrasings in this poem. I like especially "she was light and magic, springtime laughter woven through her hair" and also "i was a snare drum, ready to snap at the skip of a beat." I know what you mean about being a free verse kind of person, but sometimes it is fun to try one's hand at a form, I think. You did well.

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  8. A beautiful form for beautiful thoughts.

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  9. she was light and magic, springtime laughter woven through her hair

    I can't stop reading that line.

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  10. The form is both challenging and incredibly effective when managed artistically. You did just that. An excellent read, Rene!

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  11. Great job--really enjoyed this effective use of the form!

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  12. I agree with the Jack above--that first line is killer-good.

    I also enjoyed the tweak on a familiar phrase here:

    "...leeching to the choir..."

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  13. I had to read this one out loud, so my mouth could enjoy it as well. "Girl can write."

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