The Fifty Cent Tour

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

On blogging

This blog.
It's been a godsend to me in so many ways.

A place to write.
A place to organize my thoughts.
A place to let my freak flag fly.
A place to make friends, from places that I have to put on my glasses to find on a map.
A place to grow.
A place to communicate.

The world is a smaller, more accessible place thanks to blogging.

Every day I mix with:
Forward thinkers, mass transit raconteurs, flash fictionistas, guerrilla poets, buzzword hurlers, one-line wonders, one ups-manshippers, Über Moms and Super Dads.

I don't remember a time when I've been surrounded by so many talented, funny people...
or so much unbelievable heartbreak.

I am quiet by nature.
I get a few words and one-liners in,
but I often feel like an observer in real life group conversation.

It's usually because I feel I don't have anything interesting to add.

Or:
My jokes and references are too arcane,
I am so out of the loop on post modernism and I can't even fake the funk,
I am doing all I can to keep up by just listening,
I can't keep up with the rapid fire pace of the conversation,
It is just way too heated...

Or I am fidgeting
to avoid eye contact
because I'm afraid of being called on
which always ends up with me saying the wrong thing.
And then being hideously shunned for the rest of the conversation.
Banished like an Amish.

And isn't being ignored the worst?
You say something and then it just hangs in the air unacknowledged, like a nun's fart.
In your face awkward.
Indifference stinks.

And when it happens online, it's not so much in your face
but you can dream up bitchy little vignettes involving side eyes, smirks
and WTF DM's behind your back.

Don't you do that?
C'mon tell me you don't do that...

Getting back to the blogging thing...
For someone who is anxious socially,
For someone who struggles for the right words.
For someone who just needs a little more confidence to put them out there.
For someone like me...

Blogging is indeed a godsend.

It provides a place, and all of the time needed, to organize thoughts and lay them out exactly how i'd dearly love to say them in real life...
Someday.
Blogger heal thyself :)


From the heart
Rene ~ January 2012

17 comments:

  1. I'm a big fan of your words, your wit, and your heart.

    And, THIS:

    You say something and then it just hangs in the air unacknowledged, like a nun's fart.

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  2. Ann, some look for divine inspiration when they write. And they get bestsellers! I just get nuns farts.
    Nuns farts.
    When you say that fast it sounds German.

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  3. this is beautiful rene...i feel much the same...it has meant much to me these last 3 years...more than i ever imagined...

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Brian! And thanks for your friendship!

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  4. rene, i love you. and also, maybe it helps that from my perspective, you are seriously one of the Cool Kids. srsly!
    just don't stop writing. and OMG! blogging! has! saved! my! life! too!
    for real. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awww Marian, I love you too
      And don't worry I'm not quitting writing:)
      And truth be told I'm only cool by association

      Delete
  5. Me too, blogging has GIVEN me a life, in fact. This poem resonates for me - and the nuns fart?????? Brilliant. So funny. And yes, I think you are one of the cool kids, too.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Sherry! Blogging has really helped so many find their voices.

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  6. This is so raw, so real, so uncomplicated, so vividly true. I always enjoy the words you share, especially when they leave me speechless (that happens a lot these days).

    Your comments, though? Delicate, haunting, memorable treasures. When you share your response to something I've written, it always resounds, always captures my heart. You write with your mind, your heart, your very own voice- and you have an exceptional voice.

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    Replies
    1. Your comment just made my day !
      And I enjoy commenting on others blogs more than writing sometimes.

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  7. Blogger heal thyself was a brilliant end to this brilliant post.

    And like you, I do that. :)

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  8. Thanks Crystal!
    What are you reading?

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  9. I feel this way too. Exactly.

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  10. I, too enjoy your blog so much. This post is the best I've read so far.

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  11. dude, your words are killer. You're one of my favorite clicks on the keyboard.

    I identify with all of this. I'm outgoing and witty but it all overcompensates for me being so incredily screwed up inside.

    I'll never go to one of these blogging conferences. I wouldnt do well.

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