The Fifty Cent Tour

Sunday, March 20, 2011

newly wicked


after the fall
she bathed him 
in kisses of both
the good and evil sort
as he wept gently
contritely
wide awake
back hurting
tossing
turning
she coiled into herself
as twelve serpents
gnawed through
her middle 
hissing
jesting
ah,woman
if only you'd known
if only you knew

38 comments:

  1. ew...12 serpents in ones belly is not a good thing...on the second reading this seems a little saucy too...

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  2. Ah man
    Some day you will know
    Some day you will know
    If you're lucky!

    I thoroughly enjoyed this one!

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  3. Thank the powers that she did what she did, giving us the lust and desire. Hmmmm... Great work.

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  4. another finely crafted poem. thank you for sharing.

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  5. uh, there's nekkid people in your poem.

    I like the flow. well done.

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  6. That's a lot of allegory. And good.

    "Trusssst in meeeee, jussst in meeee..."

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  7. i of course would risk the serpents. yum.

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  8. This is simply stunning. What a vision of humanity! What poetry!
    Thank you for sharing this with us in the pantry.

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  9. Well done, Rene!

    I love the painting, with the ivy on the guy's privey, and the expression on the cat. is like, I don't wanna be here when it all goes down.

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  10. Rene, I love your use of the number twelve...its symbolism in this tale of creation can be linked to so many things, the disciples, the months, the zodiac ...I am sure you had something in mind..but its use leaves a world of possibilites that makes the poem universal....blessings...bkm

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  11. Wowzers, this is a fantastic read! Love the take from his point of view. Really well done!

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  12. Erotic and the ewwww..lots of emotions in this one.

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  13. You wrote that? It's great!
    xxo
    SC

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  14. I'm reading this as the discomfort of pregnancy and the pain of labour that resulted after "the fall". And I really liked it. New to your corner of blogland, but hope to be back.

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  15. moving. exactly what I needed to hear today.

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  16. Very powerful imagery and a great retelling of what went down in that Garden of Eden... newly wicked. Wonderful!

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  17. bravo...

    awesome art, your poetry is divine.

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  18. Such imagery! I am always delighted, Rene...

    Pearl

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  19. Greetings:

    Week 27 Poetry Potluck is open, welcome/Thanks (4) joining us…share your poetry with us today…

    Friendship Awards, Enjoy!

    Happy Monday,
    Bless you!
    xxx

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  20. Amazing retake on the story of the Fall--shows how deception is at the root of all our troubles.

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  21. i really enjoyed this my friend.. best i read after 140 poems i got thru in the potluck! here's mine.. http://fiveloaf.wordpress.com/2010/01/25/paper-scribbles/

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  22. just coming back to lick this poem again, apparently. ;)

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  23. tantalizing and mysterious...

    ...rob kistner
    Image & Verse

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  24. I'm thinking they'll be expecting. Wonderful writing. Fantastic use of symbolism.

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  25. My wife and I often appear like this painting when we are lounging at our favorite wilderness hot springs. I never would think that we have done something wrong in our innocence except for forgetting to bring the sunblock.

    Did I miss something?

    OneLove--Tiger

    PS I love snakes

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  26. Dear Rene

    its beautifully evocative and powerful... 'As he wept gently / Contritely' great words...
    loved the picture too... Thanks for sharing..

    ॐ नमः शिवाय
    Om Namah Shivaya
    http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com/2011/03/whispers-seed-and-senseless-living.html
    At Twitter @VerseEveryDay

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  27. Who can say, it like Rene? (Oooo that rhymes.) Brilliant piece of writing...even with the snakes!

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  28. Wow Rene...this is amazing...your writing burns with passion and truth! :-)

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  29. Whheew!! So NOW I know whom to blame for all those hidden "oohy" feelings inside :)

    LOVED this one, Rene!!!

    (creeps for the snakes.. but never mind those.. not in your poem at least :))

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  30. Inventive and well-built take on The Fall, which in itself is gutsy as a) well, it's The Fall and b)you put yourself out there by writing on a subject that virtually everyone is familiar with and is equally likely to have their own take on. This is very, very fine work.

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  31. Well done, you! First thing I've read on this lovely Sunday. I especially love this bit:

    "she coiled into herself
    as twelve serpents
    gnawed through
    her middle"

    :D

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