your rhyme scheme, with the combination of end of line, internal, and near rhyme makes me feel like i'm spinning, even though you write, "we sit." that was a pretty cool trick. the contradiction between the harsh reality of the poem and it's optimistic title adds to the spinning world realization. again, like with "the astronaut's lover," you manage to pack an incredible amount into so few words. thanks for sharing.
A lot going here, and I'm not sure which way I'm headed with it.I like this...but I can't tell you why, yet :)
what a malicious game indeed...
I have to check in from time to time, you know. You have a way with images that I can relate to but cannot imitate or reconstruct, and it always leaves me awestruck.Have you considered having your work published, even if only a self-funded chapbook? :-) Seriously. I would buy one and refer to it often.Pearl
Stunning piece, as 'we sit here, set apart' observing, shunned to the shadows... yet still 'synonymous' with them... beautiful piece.Well written, capturing well.
You have a way of stopping my day. I can't work on anything else until I'm done thinking about this poem. I could get back to work if I could just cry. Haven't cried in twenty-five years. Maybe longer.
Well, I can't thrill you, but, this touched that ugly girl inside of me.Your words are beautiful and touched a nerve.I think that is what poetry is all about.
This is enchanting. It has the feel of myth, myth of origin. It's where all poetry comes from. Beautiful write, Rene.
Very thought evoking.
Oh, Rene, this one certainly struck a chord with me! Witty and packs a punch. Love it.
Sounds like a timely warning of what to avoid at all costs...
A sad commentary on modern society...hell, modern? What am I talking about. It's a trend that defies era - "carefully taught / put in our place"; it's always a case throughout time that the many shun those that go against the established grain, and it's a horrid state to be sure. Thought-provoking piece, one that leaves you shaking your head as you settle into it.
I am now playing a fame called "I'm a grown up and don't care what anyone else thinks or says." It's working.
I spend a lot of time trying to avoid poetry online but I found myself reading this three times. What a wonderful job you've done here.
Grown ups are so judgmental...I'm getting a whole range of names synonymous with sin now, from Bill Clinton to Dick Cheney--probably not what you had in mind, but hey.
"what a most maliciousgame for grown-upsto play"Indeed
organized religion suckseverything done to control the masseswhat happened to spirit that lives in the mountainswake up, open your eyes, get off your assesOne Love,Tiger Windwalker
If I am not following I should be. That was incredible and I agree needs to find its way into a book. Beautiful job Rene!
wow this is great
Oh very well written indeed. Backstabbers. So good.
Wonderfully provocative - and unanswerable...I think.
Dear ReneYeah grown ups do play games.. I liked the vividness with with you have created the atmosphere in the verse.. thanks for sharing..ॐ नमः शिवायOm Namah Shivayahttp://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com/2011/02/whispers-another-kind-of-valentines-day.html
Aaahh..powerful, and really drives the point through!! How we lose our innocence as we grow up, and how we try to cover it all up, and how we give ourselves false hope of some day setting things right...(sigh)Very well expressed here, Rene! And the rhymes so well done too!! Kudos, my dear..
This is wonderful and painful at the same time.
Malicious and dangerous too. Beautiful writing ....
That piece is beautiful!
Beautiful. Painful. Truth. Well done!
Please drop a penny in a poet's hat :