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| Magpie Tales #37 |
woke up this mornin'
beside myself
just me, myself
starin' at myself
forty days bleedin'
into forty nights
i can't make it right
can't stand my sight
risin' river
drownin' hopes of love
no sign of light from
them clouds above
down below
just a lonely gaze
silent and haunting
through the smoky haze
green valley memories
swirl and tease my head
and what you said
before you fled
promised me that
i'd find love again
a true soul friend
at different rainbow ends
risin' river
drownin' hopes of love
drownin' hopes of love
no sign of light from
them clouds above
them clouds above
down below
just a lonely gaze
just a lonely gaze
silent and haunting
through the smoky haze
through the smoky haze
Rene ~ 2010
Whoa! Sorry for the mega depressing magpie!
I even bummed myself out after reading this.
It is in no way autobiographical, so worry not gentle readers.
I usually go with my first thoughts when doing Magpies...my first thought upon seeing the photo prompt was loneliness...which led to me thinking about unicorns (because of that song)...and you know the rest.
My mind is pretty much a carnival ride.
Two monkeys with a yo-yo on a ferris wheel. :)
To join Magpie Tales Creative Writing Group click HERE! All are welcome!
Whoa! Sorry for the mega depressing magpie!
I even bummed myself out after reading this.
It is in no way autobiographical, so worry not gentle readers.
I usually go with my first thoughts when doing Magpies...my first thought upon seeing the photo prompt was loneliness...which led to me thinking about unicorns (because of that song)...and you know the rest.
My mind is pretty much a carnival ride.
Two monkeys with a yo-yo on a ferris wheel. :)
To join Magpie Tales Creative Writing Group click HERE! All are welcome!
nice piece...some subtle references here that add depth to it...and hope your rainbow comes soon...and love...smiles.
ReplyDeleteTwo monkeys and a yo-yo... okay, I was all bummed out, but now I'm laughing like a hyena on moonshine.
ReplyDeleteYou've got the gift, Sistah.
I imagined and enjoyed your poem.But when I read the last para,man,you made me lol!
ReplyDelete"Two monkeys and a yoyo..."
ReplyDeleteYou slay me, Lady. It is an exquisite death!
You gots the sight, my dear. It's the irish in you: we know the up side of down :)
ReplyDeleteYou had me going for a ride there. Up and down and all around. You write fabulously rich. I bow to the artist.
ReplyDeleteI was gonna say... trying to outdo some of them old-school country songs, are you?
ReplyDeleteWhat's that they say? Play the song backwards; get it all back.
I'll read your poem backwards now. ;)
Glad it is not autobiographical. So easy to assume.... I usually go with what comes to my mind first. Sometimes it surprises even me, but sometimes there is a reason for something to be written. I honor that. And I honor YOUR writing.
ReplyDeleteThat's perfectly fine Rene, and adds depth and variety to your writing. :)
ReplyDeleteBTW, you might care to read my side bar when you should happen to have a chance. i suspect you might get a chuckle out of it, along with some others, I'm quite sure. :)
I can almost hear the song as I read the words! :)
ReplyDeleteVery well written, it flows as on music, as a song but lived through and truly felt. Glad it's not you,,,but it shows you feel others!
ReplyDeleteloved the monkeys too !
its depressing but your soul is young :)
ReplyDeleteDepressing, perhaps . . . but interesting nevertheless.
ReplyDeleteVery well written, and a good idea to save the gentle readers at the end ... I REALLY do worry sometimes after reading some!! smiles :o)
ReplyDeleteYes, somewhat depressing poetic substances, yet you add the last para to fill us with a more whimsical tone... love the 'Two monkeys with a yo-yo on a ferris wheel. LOL
ReplyDeleteFor me, not depressing but certainly sad.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you added a note for your gentle readers.
It may lean a tad toward depressing .. BUT I found your Magpie lyrical and full of magic!!
ReplyDeleteI like this!
ReplyDeletemirror at crossroads
...a true soul friend...
ReplyDeleteThat wd b soooooo wonderful.
loved "a true soul friend at a different rainbow ends".
ReplyDeleteloved it.
fall makes me melancholy
Dear Rene: Very cryptic, just the right amount of elusiveness too ripe to pique...have to wonder about the
ReplyDelete"promised me that i'd find love again
a true soul friend
at different rainbow ends". Compromises to live life in the real versus the ideal? Got my two monkey mojo going on this one! Excellent!
I didn't think your poem was so much depressing as it was true to the moment. We all know those feelings and poetry exposes all.
ReplyDeleteGlad it wasn't autobiographical and that you can laugh and make us laugh too. I love the monkeys.
'endless frights
ReplyDeletecan't stand my sight' Yes, that's how rejection feels, but after only forty nights, 'green valley daydreams always fill my head'. Oh to be that young again!
have no fear...I assume the magpies to be fiction
ReplyDeleteand this one was a good read for me
you set a scene
Glad this isn't autobiographical for you, but it kind of goes with my mood today. :/
ReplyDeleteno apologizing for your words! it was awesome, very patsy cline vibe going on :)
ReplyDeleteI keep wanting to comment on this. I come here skipping along, humming contentedly to myself, then I read this and commenting seems exhausting beforehand, so I just go back to bed. Gah.
ReplyDeleteOh, this piece is just beggin' for some music! So lyrical.
ReplyDelete"Two monkeys with a yo-yo on a Ferris wheel."
ReplyDelete:-) That just tickles me.
Glad it's not autobiographical -- and Willow's right: another one that should be set to music, perhaps an acoustic guitar...
Pearl
You 'poor depressed' Peep-full-of HAPPINESS!!!
ReplyDeleteTwo yo-yo's and a monkey--no! Wait a minute! That's ALSO backward...
LOVED every purr-fectly-placed word!
PEACE!
Steve E
I enjoyed it. I like how it scans.
ReplyDeleteit reads like a conversation,
ReplyDeletelovely style,
stunning conclusion...
keep it coming.
Rene - You are a great writer and yes I too found this a little sad. However, when I read "Two monkeys with a yo-yo on a ferris wheel" I had to laugh. You are my kind of gal I am glad we hooked up thanks to Magpie! Have a great week!
ReplyDelete"I even bummed myself" - this made me laugh. Good to know that this is a work of fiction!
ReplyDeleteyou are so talented. you KNOW that, right? right.
ReplyDeletex
What a find..I love the monkey line as well. Very very good.
ReplyDeleteGlad it isn't true for you.
ReplyDeleteThe flow of the words... Wonderful.
The sound of this piece is gorgeous--makes me want to sing.
ReplyDeleteWhat a great sounding poem. Very musical. Glad to have found this site!
ReplyDeleteThank you all for your comments and such...and for taking a ride with me and the monkeys on the ferris wheel
ReplyDelete"Risin' river drownin' hopes of love"
ReplyDeleteperfectly perfect for a country song!
I like the repeated verse - like a refrain.
ReplyDeletegreat magpie, but my favorite line was the (two-monkeys with a yo-yo on a ferris wheel...)...that is the making of a great write....blessings...bkm
ReplyDeleteI liked this one, def. felt like it could be put to music, some real good wailing.
ReplyDeleteDear Rene
ReplyDeleteI love the places you took me to, lonely though it may seem. Keep on smiling Rene.
Don't apologize -- the best stuff is NOT puppies and sunshine. The imagery here is haunting -- and that's a good thing.
ReplyDeleteI loved the carnival ride your mind took with this one! I imagine it being lyrics to a folk/country song.
ReplyDeleteRene,
ReplyDeleteI love your black side (and your red side too for that matter - that dress!!) I too find myself writing about sad and lonely things at times but i am the opposite in real life. I guess we all have the capacity to feel the full gamut of emotions - thank goodness, so writing about them doesn't make us them. Just means we're in touch with them. You write so you're a writer.
Rene this is beautifully sad...love the flow and well chozen images...by the way love the new look on your blog! :-)
ReplyDeleteOne again, thank you all for taking time to read my stuff...I really appreciate all of the love and feedback.
ReplyDelete