The Fifty Cent Tour

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Candy


She sat
high and mighty
on her throne
cinnamon taffy legs
wrapped around
the bar stool

She took
a meaningful
drag off of her
cigarette
withholding
the exhale

Leaning in
an agonizingly
long
male
moment
of time

She let
it dance around
her nostrils
tongue playing
with the plumes of desire
eyes flickering

through the smoke
those
eyes
saints alive
those
eyes

the eyes
of a girl
who once lived
in the basement
of the girl next door.

“Those’ll kill ya”
he informed her
from across the bar
“Who says?”
 she purred
“They all do”
 
She met his eye,
raised her left
brow
and
whispered low,
“All of them, huh?”

She took
a long drag and exhaled
a bubble of smoke upwards
inhaling through her nose
contrails
from a scarlet bottom lip

He brushed the back of
his hand across
the side of her head
She blew a smoke ring
and remained silent

Until
it touched
the tip
of his nose and
disintegrated.
“Now that’ll kill you

Rene ~ 2013

21 comments:

  1. "for an agonizingly long
    male moment of time"



    That's a great line right there. Funny how certain female gestures can make time stand still for us. And you all know it, too.

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  2. This would be my new favorite : )

    I gotta go for a smoke now.

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  3. Yup, "male moment" was my favorite too.

    What a cool phrase.

    Hmm...I'm totally seeing Roger Rabbit and Jessica (what was her name??) here.

    xo

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  4. This is GREAT! I want to read more about her.

    We're going to do character studies in September for Fiction Friday over at the Chronicles. Perhaps you'll join us?

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  5. Rene,

    I want to be her, if only for a day.

    ~Ginny

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  6. Ah. A saucy dame. I want to hear more about her also, Rene.

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  7. i remember those taffy legs!
    still one of the best descriptions on "the internets!" (sic)

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  8. "...in an archaelogical fashion..."

    That there is a great turn of phrase...she sounds cool, but cigarettes make me sick. sigh.

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  9. Oh, you do paint a picture!

    Fabulous.

    Pearl

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  10. Wow.. wonderfully painetd in words.

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  11. Thanks for sitting at the bar...
    I haven't named the sultry smoker yet..when I wrote the first part I had Susan Sarandon in mind, but the second part is inspired by Jessica Lange.

    She is unfortunately a smoker,IG, though I am not, I did smoke maybe the equivalent of 2 cigarettes during my teen years.
    She may have gum, Cyg, probably Big Red on account of her cinnamon taffy legs, which are the best thing on "the internets" ( sic) according to Chuck.

    IB I did somehow picture you with a Jessica Lange type.

    Thank you,powdergirl,Ann,
    Jeanne,Ginny, Gran and vodkamom for all of your wonderful comments and love
    You all rock. Would love to have a Ladies Night out with the whole mess of ya. Could you imagine?
    Smokin'...

    and Jeff...we do, don't we?

    Peace - Rene

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  12. She is the beginning of a book. I believe she could commit a crime and have a smoke cool as a cucumber later that night, over a martini dry.

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  13. I LOVE it! I'm picturing a classic actress, from the 50s, with one of those kick-ass attitudes, saying to heck with what people say about smoking now. (Of course, back then, nobody said as much about it.) Maybe a Bette Davis type.

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  14. loved the dialogue, especially the punch-line.

    very good,
    thank you,
    and . . .

    more, please, more,

    ..
    .ero

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  15. Excellent study--the "male moment" line is very good, as others have mentioned. I think this is my favorite of the writing I've seen here. Really well-done!

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  16. Brilliant. Of course the passive fumes of the alcohol will kill him too. As will the carcinogenic substances in the bagged salad he uses to make his lunch. The TV he watches will subdue his brain, bringing on Alzeimers. At this rate, he doesn't stand a chance. Says the Surgeon General.

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  17. Cool!Love this! Now she'd be fun to work with. Very film noir - I'm picturing Double Indemnity>

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  18. I'm sure I posted a comment on this but don't see it. Hmmm. Maybe i only dreamt I did?1

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