She sat
high and mighty
on her throne
cinnamon taffy legs
wrapped around
the bar stool
She took
a meaningful
drag off of her
cigarette
withholding
the exhale
Leaning in
an agonizingly
long
male
moment
of time
She let
it dance around
her nostrils
tongue playing
with the plumes of desire
eyes flickering
through the smoke
those
eyes
saints alive
those
eyes
the eyes
of a girl
who once lived
in the basement
of the girl next door.
“Those’ll kill ya”
he informed her
from across the bar
“Who says?”
she purred
“They all do”
She met his eye,
raised her left
brow
and
whispered low,
“All of them, huh?”
She took
a long drag and exhaled
a bubble of smoke upwards
inhaling through her nose
contrails
from a scarlet bottom lip
He brushed the back of
his hand across
the side of her head
She blew a smoke ring
and remained silent
Until
it touched
the tip
of his nose and
disintegrated.
“Now that’ll kill you”
Rene ~ 2013
"for an agonizingly long
ReplyDeletemale moment of time"
That's a great line right there. Funny how certain female gestures can make time stand still for us. And you all know it, too.
My kind of woman.
ReplyDeleteThis would be my new favorite : )
ReplyDeleteI gotta go for a smoke now.
Yup, "male moment" was my favorite too.
ReplyDeleteWhat a cool phrase.
Hmm...I'm totally seeing Roger Rabbit and Jessica (what was her name??) here.
xo
This is GREAT! I want to read more about her.
ReplyDeleteWe're going to do character studies in September for Fiction Friday over at the Chronicles. Perhaps you'll join us?
Rene,
ReplyDeleteI want to be her, if only for a day.
~Ginny
Ah. A saucy dame. I want to hear more about her also, Rene.
ReplyDeletei remember those taffy legs!
ReplyDeletestill one of the best descriptions on "the internets!" (sic)
that was fantastic.
ReplyDeleteI like her.
ReplyDeleteShe got gum?
"...in an archaelogical fashion..."
ReplyDeleteThat there is a great turn of phrase...she sounds cool, but cigarettes make me sick. sigh.
Oh, you do paint a picture!
ReplyDeleteFabulous.
Pearl
Wow.. wonderfully painetd in words.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sitting at the bar...
ReplyDeleteI haven't named the sultry smoker yet..when I wrote the first part I had Susan Sarandon in mind, but the second part is inspired by Jessica Lange.
She is unfortunately a smoker,IG, though I am not, I did smoke maybe the equivalent of 2 cigarettes during my teen years.
She may have gum, Cyg, probably Big Red on account of her cinnamon taffy legs, which are the best thing on "the internets" ( sic) according to Chuck.
IB I did somehow picture you with a Jessica Lange type.
Thank you,powdergirl,Ann,
Jeanne,Ginny, Gran and vodkamom for all of your wonderful comments and love
You all rock. Would love to have a Ladies Night out with the whole mess of ya. Could you imagine?
Smokin'...
and Jeff...we do, don't we?
Peace - Rene
She is the beginning of a book. I believe she could commit a crime and have a smoke cool as a cucumber later that night, over a martini dry.
ReplyDeleteI LOVE it! I'm picturing a classic actress, from the 50s, with one of those kick-ass attitudes, saying to heck with what people say about smoking now. (Of course, back then, nobody said as much about it.) Maybe a Bette Davis type.
ReplyDeleteloved the dialogue, especially the punch-line.
ReplyDeletevery good,
thank you,
and . . .
more, please, more,
..
.ero
Excellent study--the "male moment" line is very good, as others have mentioned. I think this is my favorite of the writing I've seen here. Really well-done!
ReplyDeleteBrilliant. Of course the passive fumes of the alcohol will kill him too. As will the carcinogenic substances in the bagged salad he uses to make his lunch. The TV he watches will subdue his brain, bringing on Alzeimers. At this rate, he doesn't stand a chance. Says the Surgeon General.
ReplyDeleteCool!Love this! Now she'd be fun to work with. Very film noir - I'm picturing Double Indemnity>
ReplyDeleteI'm sure I posted a comment on this but don't see it. Hmmm. Maybe i only dreamt I did?1
ReplyDelete